I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
