Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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