If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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