dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
