K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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