I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
