just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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