We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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