he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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