it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
