Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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