let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
