Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
