ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
