FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pants are for mortals
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
