The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
