Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
