I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
