Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
