I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
high people should be assigned attendants
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
