I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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