We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
