best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
