She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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