My first STD was from a foam party
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
