i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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