I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.