2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
