if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?