he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
