i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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