I feel like abortions should bother me more
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
