Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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