sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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