u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
