I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
