You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
