I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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