apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize