You just made me feel so damn special
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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