I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
