It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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