so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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