DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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