I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
