My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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