I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
