Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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