I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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