do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
