Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
