I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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