i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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