i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize