I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
