I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
