as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
