Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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