yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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