why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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