i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was born a porn star she said
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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