I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
