i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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