what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
