farters have to be the big spoon...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
