I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
