Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
