were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
