the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My pussy is not your playground.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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