I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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